Parenting Problems: When a Child Makes Excuses Because of His Unique Situation
"That's not how it works with my kid." Have you ever heard another parent make an excuse about their child with such a comment? Maybe their child doesn't like to wake up early enough for school, or doesn't like to eat his vegetables. When a parent makes this sort of excuse they are claiming that their child is unique, and therefore typical rules don't apply.
Kids learn this same behavior, unfortunately. Children may say, "My Mom and Dad won't make me go to school today because I'm really upset about..." This is followed by some justification by the child as to why their situation is unique, and ordinary expectations don't apply.
It may sound harmless enough, but it has a damaging effect nonetheless. Making excuses because your child is "unique" gets in the way of your effort to transform your child.
There are many instances wherein uniqueness takes the role of an excuse for not following rules. You are more likely to hear your son say, "I won't do my homework because..." then they fill in the blank. Or another example would be, "This rule doesn't apply on me because my parents are divorced" There can be a million excuses that he may use, but what he is pointing out is that his case is completely unique, and that he is somehow excluded from a particular rule.
This is not an effective belief system for your child to hold onto. Instead, you want your children to see rules as applying equally to everyone. Just because Johnny is mad at his Mom, it doesn't excuse him from the rule that you don't punch holes in the wall.
Childhood is that phase in which your kids are impressionable, and easily molded. This is the time when they're sense of morality and the value foundation is just starting to be developed. Obviously it is an important time for parents to be focused on building morals and ethics into their child's belief system.
We might sit here and think of uniqueness as a positive character trait which means being true to one's self and being mindful of different views in different people. And that's fine and dandy. But don't let uniqueness transform into an excuse for your kids to skirt the rules.
The moment you notice that your kid is using the concept as an excuse you must correct it, before it manifests itself into a real problem.
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Kids learn this same behavior, unfortunately. Children may say, "My Mom and Dad won't make me go to school today because I'm really upset about..." This is followed by some justification by the child as to why their situation is unique, and ordinary expectations don't apply.
It may sound harmless enough, but it has a damaging effect nonetheless. Making excuses because your child is "unique" gets in the way of your effort to transform your child.
There are many instances wherein uniqueness takes the role of an excuse for not following rules. You are more likely to hear your son say, "I won't do my homework because..." then they fill in the blank. Or another example would be, "This rule doesn't apply on me because my parents are divorced" There can be a million excuses that he may use, but what he is pointing out is that his case is completely unique, and that he is somehow excluded from a particular rule.
This is not an effective belief system for your child to hold onto. Instead, you want your children to see rules as applying equally to everyone. Just because Johnny is mad at his Mom, it doesn't excuse him from the rule that you don't punch holes in the wall.
Childhood is that phase in which your kids are impressionable, and easily molded. This is the time when they're sense of morality and the value foundation is just starting to be developed. Obviously it is an important time for parents to be focused on building morals and ethics into their child's belief system.
We might sit here and think of uniqueness as a positive character trait which means being true to one's self and being mindful of different views in different people. And that's fine and dandy. But don't let uniqueness transform into an excuse for your kids to skirt the rules.
The moment you notice that your kid is using the concept as an excuse you must correct it, before it manifests itself into a real problem.
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